Parents Don't Let Your Kids Grow Up to Be... Charlie Sheen

Among the many hats I wear as a father is the one of role model. As one of the main influences on young children, parents find themselves (or at least they should) frequently considering how their actions might impact their kids’ development.

The other major source of influence is society and most kids get a generous dose of the role models it has to offer through the television. That’s a bit scary when you consider who’s been popular lately.

While there’s quite a few people to consider, here’s the top 5 reasons you should teach your son or daughter to grow into a happy, productive, service-minded citizen:

5) Lindsay Lohan - Outrageous and dangerous personal behavior is not the way to gain publicity;

4) Tiger Woods - Good sense is a necessity even when you’re the greatest athlete on the planet;

3) Mike Tyson - Please no facial tattoos and no chomping on ears;

2) Muammar Gaddafi - Democratic leaders good, ruthless dictators bad; and

1) Charlie Sheen - Parents don’t let your kids grow up to melt down on national television after “a drug-filled night with porn stars.”

Considering this is a family blog, I didn’t go into detail about all the character deficits of these fabulous five, but you get the idea.

Got other list-worthy celebrities? Post them below!

I’m off to start my day and do my best. Little eyes are watching.

Who’s the Einstein…?

When it comes to TV shows, my child runs hot and cold for long streaks, and right now, the programme de jour is Little Einsteins.

As with Elmo and the Sesame Street gang, Barney and Thomas the Tank Engine before them, Disney’s Little Einsteins is currently one of the only TV shows he will watch. It gives Disney a near monopoly in terms of contemporary programming, because the only other show that gets the nod on most days is the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

I can’t even say “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” without hearing “Come inside, it’s fun inside!” in my head, a phenomena other parents of toddlers will no doubt recognize.

I mention contemporary programming because there are two other TV shows my son likes to watch, but they aren’t even from this century, let alone this decade. Would you believe, “The Addams Family” and “The Munsters?” How can a kid who is turning four in 2011 be a fan of two shows that first aired in 1964? Well, that’s another story entirely, and I invite you to keep checking back for the details, as I promise you will be amused. Watch for “Frankenstein Toilet Trained My Child!”

But I digress. As his current show of choice, “Little Einsteins” seemed the logical theme for our son’s fourth birthday party.  Accordingly, my wife did her usual stand-up job of rounding up the thematic decorations and cake we would need. But not without some difficulty. We got our first hint there could be a problem when I tried to set up the DVR to record the show. At first I couldn’t find it at all. For some strange reason, some Disney shows don’t show up properly in the program guide. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse has suffered from that problem at times, so I didn’t think much of that, but it did strike me odd that it only seemed to air at 3:30 a.m. Central Standard Time. Funny time slot for what I believed to be a popular show.

Then we began looking for party favors. They were listed in major catalogs, but you couldn’t order most of them. What?

It’s true. They had pictures of the items we needed for a party, but no virtual buttons or other means to buy them. Being ultra-resourceful, my wife was able to get enough Little Einsteins plates, cups, napkins and such to put the party together, little thanks to Disney. Now I figure Disney is a big company, with a budget big enough to have at least a few dozen geniuses on the payroll to take handle, among other things, marketing.

So who’s the Einstein who decided to stop producing the Little Einstein party favors? And which genius decided to air my toddler’s new favorite show at 3:30 a.m.? And why doesn’t the title show up on the TV program guide?

I suspect the answer to both questions lies with a bad prognosis for the show’s future. Why else would Disney do such a lousy job of presenting and marketing items related to the show?

If someone out there has the answers, I’d love to hear them.